“We don't believe something by merely saying we believe it, or even when we believe that we believe it. We believe something when we act as if it were true.” Dallas Willard*
Let’s start with two questions: Do you believe that God is present with you? What is God’s estimation of you at this stage of your life? This will be our focus, and we’ll look at the measuring tool by which we draw our conclusions.
Years ago, I purchased a forehead thermometer in order to receive quicker readings of my bodily temperature. Sometimes it worked well, but the screen more often displayed one word instead of numbers: error.
Yeah, I know. The flaw was likely in the operator – me. If I held the device properly, it probably worked fine. But for whatever reason, I didn’t. So it didn’t.
Nobody likes faulty gauges. And yet … I continued to use that thermometer for a couple of years, hoping each time I might get it right. Finally, I dumped it in favor of a more accurate method.
I can top that one. I used another flawed indicator for almost thirty years before tossing it aside.
I started the habit of journal writing – occasionally, not daily – in 1973. It can be helpful to look back at more than fifty years of events and experiences, reflections and reactions, problems and prayers.
But my journals also reveal the faulty measuring tool by which I evaluated my relationship with God – his presence in my life, and his estimation about me as a disciple, our two questions.
What was the inaccurate gauge that I hung onto for so long? My emotions.
Two entries provide a window into my malaise, both written after following Jesus for more than two decades.
I’m floundering today under my feelings. I feel as though I’m letting God down. At every angle there is a load on my shoulders of what I am not doing for him. I’m not writing. I’m not winning people to Christ. I’m not constant in my devotions. I’m not praying for my neighbors. I’m not leading the church well through this stage…. [note: several more "nots" followed]
I’m in a blue funk this morning. I get paralyzed by my introspection, so concerned with how I am doing and how he perceives I am doing. I’m like a soldier, sitting in the barracks, polishing my shoes one more time, hoping to pass inspection.
Sounds neurotic, doesn’t it?
But that’s how I “felt”. I was convinced that there was always something more I needed to do to make God smile upon me. To be happier with me.
Can you relate to these feelings? Have you ever been honest enough to write them down?
I realize now that my feelings were more about me, and was likely projecting my unhealthy relationship with my parents onto God. And I also know that’s not how God would want any of his children to feel.
Yet I held onto the faulty gauge of my feelings for decades, this broken barometer which said God was perpetually disappointed in me.
Why? I can think of several reasons.
Like many, I made an idol of my emotions. My focus – what am I feeling? – consistently set the course for my day.
I also realize that I was listening to the wrong voice, the accusing words of my celestial adversary instead of the assurances of my Comforter and Counselor, the Holy Spirit. The more we can be persuaded that we are under-performing disciples, we will stay emotionally defeated and sidelined, distracted from living into God’s purpose for our lives. More about this later.
Finally, and most importantly, I was acting is if God’s presence with me and pleasure in me was directly related to my performance. If I was more faithful, more dedicated, more whatever, my heavenly Father would be happy with me… for a while.
Silly me. Is there any indication in the Bible that God is so fickle with his children? Quite the opposite. **
Operator error again? That’s probably an accurate description, since that’s not how emotions are supposed to guide us.
Around twenty years ago – there’s not a specific day I can point to in my journals – I decided it was time to rely on what God has said in his word, the Bible. Instead of looking inward to the inaccurate gauge of my feelings, I needed to look outward and upward, to Jesus and to his promises.
Yes, I had always believed in what the Bible said about God loving me and being present with me, but I finally decided to take God at his word and act upon what I believed.
Please understand – I am not advising you to ignore or repress your emotions. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made. God loves it when we identify and admit to our feelings, and speak honestly to him as we swim in, through, and beyond them – however self-centered, vindictive, or despairing they may be. Just don’t let them be your primary guide or gauge as you walk with God. **
How did I stop relying on my feelings? It was a combination of a series of events recorded earlier in The Blue Spigot, as well as two passages from the Old Testament: Isaiah 61 informed me, and Psalm 136 invited me to dance.
God is already present with me
Luke’s gospel tells us that on the first day of his public ministry, Jesus read from Isaiah 61 in the synagogue of his hometown. After reading it, he proclaimed: Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing. In other words, Jesus identified himself as the one spoken about and sent by the Holy Spirit to our world.
What was Jesus commissioned to do?
I can’t prove it, but I believe Jesus read further in the passage than Luke implies, all the way to the end of Isaiah’s sentence. Here is the full sentence found in Isaiah 61:1-3; I have underlined and put in bold print what God provides for us and bestows upon us.
1The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, 2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion —
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
Jesus knew that he was sent to bestow three gifts upon the world. I am one of the recipients of these gifts, and so are you.
A crown of beauty, a timeless, eternal sign of worth and honor, presented to one who is loved. Because of this gift, I already have worth in God’s eyes. That’s how he sees me, and he takes away from me the need to sit in the ashes of my feelings.
The oil of joy, the key symbol for the Holy Spirit, the dwelling presence of God has been given to us. I have been anointed with oil, and he is with me, now and forever. I don’t have any reason to mourn God’s perceived absence in my life. Amen.
A garment of praise that brings a newness of life, healing and forgiveness. God has put a white robe of salvation upon me, and threw the old ragged clothes of my despairing and hopeless life in the trash bin.
But Jesus’ gift giving didn’t stop there. God’s Spirit gives his people new identities – we are oaks of righteousness, planted by the Lord to flourish and blossom, firmly rooted to provide shade and shelter.
And we are also given a new purpose in life, displaying the Lord’s splendor in our words and deeds as we reflect his love for everyone. Taking God at his word frees us up to live for him: let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:16)
The unfailing promise that keeps me dancing
His love endures forever. That is God’s concrete, without-a-doubt, count-on-it-every-day, blessed-assurance promise. Forty-one times this phrase occurs in the Bible, most of them in the Psalms. Do you believe it to be true?
Psalm 136 has no parallels. Twenty-six verses, each one ending with the phrase – His love endures forever – like a repetitive refrain in a song.
Or better yet, like God’s step in the dance with his people. The Psalm celebrates God’s goodness, creative handiwork, and mighty works on our behalf, all because … his love endures forever.
And he invites us to dance with him. Our one step? Give thanks. That’s it! The specific exhortation appears only four times, but is implied in all twenty-six verses. Here’s just a few verses, with the implied portions (in parantheses and italics).
3.Give thanks to the Lord of Lords. His love endures forever.
4.(Give thanks) to him who alone does great wonders. His love endures forever.
23.(Give thanks) to the One who remembered us in our low estate. His love endures forever.
24.(Give thanks to the One) who freed us from our enemies. His love endures forever.
25.(Give thanks to the One) who gives food to every creature. His love endures forever.
26. Give thanks to the God of Heaven. His love endures forever.
God never misses a step in the dance. We can count on his presence and his love, regardless of whether we feel it or not. And he has invited us to learn how to dance with him, to thank him for all he has done, is doing, and will do.
And we trust him to lead us well in the dance. That role belongs to him. Our role is to be in step with the Spirit as he leads us in the dance. (see Galatians 5:25)
My unhealthy reliance on feelings to measure God’s presence in my life and his estimation of me were overcome by these experiences and these Biblical passages. I wish that I had been awakened earlier to throw away that gauge, but that’s no longer my focus. I can and do strive to live daily with an awareness of God’s presence, and am honored that he continues to dance with me. His Love endures forever.
How about you? You may believe God is present with you, but are you living in accordance with your belief? You will never thrive in your love for God if you don’t learn to take him at his word, and trust him more than you trust your feelings.
If you’re sitting off to the side of the dance floor, convinced that you’re lousy at dancing with God as you promise to improve, you will never know the sheer joy of living daily with God.
Wake up and get on your feet. He’s extended his hand to you, and he will be patient with
you as you learn to keep in step with him. His love endures forever.
And here’s the most wonderful truth of all. God’s longing to be present with you far exceeds your desire for his presence.
Ask him. Seek his face. Knock and keep on knocking. He will give you as much of himself as you desire.
Benediction of Blessing
May you ask the Holy Spirit’s help in discerning how you have been gauging God’s presence in your life and his estimation of you.
May you act on your beliefs about God and yourself.
May you accept his invitation to dance with you daily, and fully know that his love endures forever.
* I highly recommend Renovation of the Heart: Putting on the Character of Christ by Dallas Willard, and especially Chapter 7 on Transforming the Mind: Spiritual Formation and our Feelings. The quote at the beginning of the post is also from the book, but no one seems to remember which page, and neither do I.
** See Matthew 7:9-11
Credits:
Forehead Thermometer – Google Images
Different voices -- Shutterstock
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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. TM
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