Yesterday was a good day. Overall, so was the week. In this post I want to share two resources that made it noteworthy.
What made yesterday good? A conversation that I engage in frequently and always enjoy thoroughly.
Fifty-nine years old, a terminal diagnosis has brought together a man’s small but supportive family – his wife, two daughters and one grandchild. We talked about love, gratitude and forgiveness.
To prepare for that conversation I encouraged him to take a different perspective on the diagnosis he was given: he has also received a gift.
I can always count on a raised-eyebrow-reaction: you call this a gift?
And then I explain that instead of his liver slowly giving out, his heart could have stopped suddenly and irreversibly. That would have prevented his family and friends from having the opportunity and the time to say their goodbyes.
That is the gift they now possess … if they will embrace it.
I told them about a book, the first resource I commend to you also: The Four Things that Matter Most by Ira Byock, M.D. * The author invites people to restore, enliven and/or maintain their most important relationships.
How? By intentionally saying the tender words that bind our souls together:
Will you please forgive me?
I forgive you.
Thank you.
I love you.
Forgiveness. Gratitude. Love.
As Hospice Chaplain I have shared the sentiments of these four statements with dozens of families. I encourage patients and their loved ones to be intentional about saying their goodbyes to each other, using the phrases as personal prompts.
And to help them overcome the awkward hurdle of getting started, I remind them of this well-known truism: It’s always too soon … until it’s too late.
I have read and re-read portions of the book many times, and will keep it on my shelf until the day I die. It has informed my thoughts and appreciation for my deceased parents, and guides me regularly on my treasured relationships.
I hope it will have the same effect for you. You have also been given the gift of time and opportunity to say these words to your loved ones. Will you embrace it?
What made it a good week overall? Our second resource, very different but very similar to the first.
Last weekend I discovered a poem on Facebook. I began our bi-weekly hospice staff meeting on Wednesday by reading it, and I have thought about it several times this week. Other than to quote Solomon – God has planted eternity in the human heart ** – this poem by Marianne Baum needs no introduction or explanation.
“Every minute someone leaves this world”
Every minute someone leaves this world behind.
Age has nothing to do with it.
We are all in "the line" without knowing it.
We never know how many people are before us.
We can not move to the back of the line.
We can not step out of the line.
We can not avoid the line.
So while we wait in line:
Make moments count.
Make priorities.
Make the time.
Make your gifts known.
Make a nobody feel like a somebody.
Make your voice heard.
Make the small things big.
Make someone smile.
Make the change.
Make love.
Make up.
Make peace.
Make sure to tell your people they are loved.
Make sure to have no regrets.
Make sure you are ready…
by Marianne Baum
Benediction of Blessing:
May you live with a continuing sense of God’s presence in this life, and with a joyful anticipation of fully living in his presence in the coming life that is truly life.
May your relationships be indelibly marked with love, gratitude, and forgiveness.
May you make sure you are always ready to die.
Credits:
* I recommend another book by Dr. Byock: Dying Well: Peace and Possibilities at the End of Life.
** Ecclesiastes 3:11
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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. TM
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